Saturday, May 1, 2010

Green Death Alley Cat Review - Part 2

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From the desk of Shaun D...

The weather conspired against the ABES last Thursday and the option to delay again was open, but the teams The Duker and Dave, Johnny and Paul, Lorne, Steve and Charles, Tom and the newest ABE Craig would have none of it. The second Spring Alley Cat Green Death was a go, exploring complex themes related to the intersections between biking and smoking: getting winded, spending your cash before the essentials, giving your body a pounding because there seems to be no other way, taking a break in the midst of an otherwise panicked schedule and so on. The race went on without a hitch, save the coordinators lack of knowledge regarding the clinic. Perhaps I should pay them a visit more than once a decade.

Race times were all pretty close:

Paul and Johnny rode a perfect race at 35 minutes and all questions answered correctly – even with their race sheet was in the process of complete disintegration.

Dave and Duker rolled in next after 38 minutes of riding and answered all questions correctly.

Steve, Lorne and Charles, while getting to the bar a little before The Duker and Dave to answer the arithmetically related question in comfort clocked 41 minutes. The trio added 3.5 minutes to their time with 1 incorrect answer.

Tom and Craig took the honourable (in the minds smokers anyway) DFL after finishing a minute later, at 42 minutes. They added 10.30 minutes to their time because of 3 incorrect answers.

But smokers are never perfect: we’re slow, easily winded, we’ll never win a race where the heart and lungs are a major contributor and our minds’ start going when the nicotine levels get low. Plus, the tobacco industry isn’t known for its virtuosity. So, to maintain the consistencies in the Green Death Alley Cat between smokers, Big Tobacco and racing bikes I had to take bribes to level the playing field. And only one team took the opportunity with Dave, while chugging a beer, doled out $15 for ‘Bikes Without Borders’. Not only did that bribe grease the wheels for a victory, but it’ll help buy wheels and grease along with the rest of the bike for a rural medic in an AIDS stricken part of the globe. ABES fight AIDS. 3 minutes and 30 seconds (the cost of an incorrect answer) were taken off of their time allowing them to squeak into 1st, with only 30 seconds to spare.

With the bribe and the remaining entry fee cash $40 was sent over to ‘Bikes Without Borders’.

Nearly everybody took home something. Steve got the shaft as cash and prizes got snapped up. I’ll send a mug your way next time I get one that’s unsellable. Tom had inquired a few weeks ago – I’ve got a 9” x 11” x 2” pan with your name on it.


  1. Once again, sweet race Shaun! It was a perfect event to put our best foot forward for new member Craig. Now don't worry Tinker, we're not stealing him. But anyone who actually shows up for our events is automatically inducted, like it or not.

  2. I don't mind playing the field. I must say that I had one of my most fun times on a bike, ever on Thurs eve. The other, being a night ride in the North Dakota Badlands after 8 beers. It's amazing how beer softens the blow, when crashing. Thanks again for welcoming me. Tom and I have some ground to make up so you can be assured that I will be back.

  3. Not to push you Shaun but I did spend my mom's mothers day gift money on Beer and VLTs this weekend. You know trying to double it to get her an extra sweet gift. Well any way maybe I can sweep the floor or something in your shop for some sweet goods for her. Sent me a e-mail so we can work somthing out.

  4. This is the mainline version. It's going to have different wheels and more detailed paint for the Entertainment line.

    rubber casters & nylon wheels