Friday, December 28, 2012

ThNR Report

James, Mike and I witnessed a pre-ride toboggan race between Franklin and good-guy Jonny G.  Franklin slid down my front yard and across the street for the win.  We mossied around town and found Tom and fat-boy Craig then rode some laps at the new snoval, slid across the pond and rode up and down the hill.  Giles found us just in time for a revisit to the snowboard jump where Craig was bucked by his fat bike, Franklin found some air and Giles found some ground.  Schiesse and Duke joined us at the clubhouse where minutes include: old school computers and games, Scandals nightclub and late night meatball subs, memories of the Hipster sleeping around the fire, no wings this week but we did have popcorn and hot sauce, southern cuisine - the purkucken (duck in a chicken in a turkey in a pig), 'Merica - F YA!, greasy Back 40 stories, bike shoes V boat shoes, never trust a skinny person, spitting on cars, brown chamois, Lindsey Bars/crackles, and bacon chocolate chip cookies.  Good times.

G hates it
The silver bullet wins by a car lane
Craig and G

Laps at the Snoval 

"You should try it in your mouth"

Thursday, December 27, 2012


Let's bike away some Christmas calories, then sip them back on at the clubhouse.
See you at 8.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Creek Ride

Some of us were looking to ride bike on Christmas and some of us were looking to avoid family commitments.  In either case it was a chance explore the cycling potential on Buffalo creek.  Lyle had the wrong bike - until we got to the creek, then his half-fat bike was the enviable option.  He spun along with ease as the rest of us dug into the snow, swerved and swore our way down the creek.
Fat in the front - 29'er in the back
Dan and Patrick watch Lyle and Albert  
Tight tunnel pass
Dan ran out gas but found some lung butter

Tuesday, December 25, 2012


It doesn't matter if it's Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza or Ramadan … as long as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our saviour.

Best Christmas tree ever!
Dan and I are going to put on our new wool socks and try to ride on the creek to the warming shack for some Christmas cheer.  Join us at 2:00.  JS

Merry Christmas!

Happy Holidays ABES! DS

Monday, December 24, 2012

EOW CX 2012 Photo Dump

Provincial CX Champion, Albert Falk, took most of these photos.  Cheryl and I took the rest...

- Brad winning the B race
- Watching Albert ride down the hill while most others around him were running
- The sketchy descents and uphill slogs
- High-fiving Mani-Yeti during the race
- Seeing the cross crowd again
- Watching my kids finish a challenging kids lap
- More Olympia water-bottles for the kids (me)
- Passing Lyle as he takes a hydration break from the Hipster

- Lyle passing me after his hydration break and beating me by a mile.

Friday, December 21, 2012

ThNR Report

Gavin, Shaun, David, Tom, Giles, James, Dan, Franklin and I enjoyed a beautiful night of cycling.  David was riding his shiny new bike, James made the call to play knockdown games, the pond was in perfect condition for a skidding contest, and Franklin’s idea to have races down the hill and across the ice was dangerous and fun.  Giles fell at least 6 times during the night as he was dialing in his fishtail skids.  He and Gavin also tried their luck at jumping off the snowboarders ramp but the snow was too soft for success – it did provide entertainment for those sane (chicken) enough not to attempt it.  We found Duke and Albert at the clubhouse where minutes include: Dan plans to bring Crystal some finger linkin’ heat, Shaun lost a terabyte of memory and his marbles, the Altona courthouse judge’s chambers/arena-canteen and the holding cells/hockey dressing rooms, playing Chicken Or Go as a teenager, my kids love Shauns pottery, the ABES support Joanne Wiebe in her bid for town council, I “lost” money at the meat draw last Saturday, David wears bonnets with bees in them, Dan wants the world to end so he can tell people he was there when it happened, stories from the greatest poker tournament ever, Dan is a near-beer connoisseur, Sheila Dikshits will never be a jr. high school teacher, the legend of the Redheads, the day after the end of the world cross race at Fort Whyte, money was donated at the VLT’s, the Portland Trailblazers draft pick curse, Albert looked like a member of the Village People or Vito Corleone from The Godfather, and drunk talk: I’m fart and I’m smunny!  Good times.

Giles goes up and over
Gavin grins and wins the downhill race
Dan brought cookies
I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse/YMCA
Franklin digs the wings
Finger-lickin good y'all

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Friday, December 14, 2012

ThNR Report

Dan, James, Franklin, Paul W, Gavin, Steven, Shaun, Giles, Charles and I went for a spin around town.  We stopped at the park for some runs down the hill and the first  knockdown games of the season.  Paul beat everybody back to the clubhouse where we were joined by Duke, Tom and David.  Minutes include: Serbian donkey cheese, rice pudding has a love/hate following, trying to eat a spoonful of cinnamon, bear milk, stoned on epoxy, harmless V stupid with an agenda, Bunge spent $30,000 on chicken and pizza in 10 days, Shaun was harassed by pervy pigs, habitual speeding, the Bike Jerks commandments, highway accident stories – "Save yourself, I'm trapped!" (take off your seatbelt Steven), Morris is a dirty town, Boundary Trails Nordic Club, new law states that Canadian dogs must understand commands in English and French, DSwat’s missing chocolate, videos du jour: the history of rapBrazilian elevator pranks, and monkey with an AK-47, David is going to Florida, Steven and Gavin are off to Fernie, the MPI – double payment scam, David’s poker tournament was so very, very awesome, Franklins eyes were popping out of his head from the extra-hot wings, and Steven had the best unintentionally funny line of the night: “Dick doesn’t spend enough time on the big hoe.”  Good times.  JS

Gavin tries to take down Dan
Giles pre-falls for James
Giles implements his anti-theft feature

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


On!  8:00.
Remember this guy?
Designed by Duke.

Friday, December 7, 2012

ThNR Report

PW, Dan, Steven, James, Gavin, David, Ike, Tom, Mike and I ambled around town.  Mike left early, Duke found us and left us and Giles found us and kept us.  Minutes include: Gavin passed around a petition so that Joanne can run for town councillor – vote early and vote often, I thought DSwats poker tournament was the greatest poker tournament I've ever been to, Safeway members: Patty Pancakes and Beese Fient, Steven’s band is booking gigs for the Christmas concert circuit, Electric Honey wings, “Bringing tupperware to an all-you-can-eat buffet is so Mennonite it’s Scottish”, an ABE assembled advent calendar (pictured above), plastic money is sticky, Giles broke a sweat with the extra hot wings, wood-chipper = Fargo, interventions/the airing of grievances, gondola hotbox and illegal winter housing, carnies in summer are the ski lift operators in winter, adding more bad does not make it better, Sawhiebzky’s cycling the Habitat for Hilarity, Steven shared the ultimate dog tease video, and the clubhouse jukebox played the best/worst 1980’s music…All night loong (all night).  Good times.  JS

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


Town or country ride?  Meat Draw volunteer?  We'll figure it out.  8:00

Sunday, December 2, 2012

David's Got Moves

Cindy was kind enough to share her Gangnamzky Style video.  Thanks Cindy.

David and Cindy "celebrating" in Barbados.  Funny Guy.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Tom is Awesome

Tom knows how to work a room.

ThNR Report

Tom, DB, Franklin, David, Gavin, Ike, PW, James, Charles, Josh, Steve and I were joined by the Morden Bike Club, which currently consists of Peter and Jason - welcome to ABES.  We cycled in the country for a big circle around town that included a flying V runway ride at the airport.  In typical ABES fashion the group broke apart but miraculously we all found our way to the clubhouse.  W were joined by Curt, Giles, Dan and Steven where minutes include: ironing Christmas money = crisp and classy, Chaz is finished his Plautdietsch Sherlock Holmes play, David recalled being beaten at a race by a kid on a BMX, Tom cleared $81 for the club at the Friday meat draw – huzzah, 24 hours of Falcon Ridge stories and 2013 preparations, Gentleman’s Race – July 28 – 160 km’s of gravel grinding goodness, Altona Winter Festival will include bike races this year – February 9 – Gavin to coordinate, End of the World Cross, Steven is nervous about his band playing at his work banquet – David will be there to “encourage” him, cross country ski orgies in the warm-up shack, Movember is mercifully over, Jazz legend Ed Bickert (born south of Winkler in Hochfeld, MB) had a birthday yesterday, and Grumpy’s chicken wings were delish.  Good times.  JS

DB sporting the stach-burns
Surprise!  It's the Pedi-preacher stache
I hate you guys
Charles with his Dr. John Watson Stache
Steve Harley'd up his stache
Tom stache suffered due to a shaving accident.
David Stachified him for good measure.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012


I went for a country cruise on Monday night.  It did not go well.  I was chased by dogs, fell twice because of ice, ripped my pants, long-underwear and knee, and had to carry my bike 4 miles back to town beause my wheel was jammed against the frame and I didn’t bring a wrench.  Sigh.  I need to get back on the bike, pay attention to shelter belts and the ice patches they produce, bring a wrench and spin my legs on gravel until we get back to the clubhouse #wingnight.  I’m also looking forward to Tom’s meat-draw report and possibly sampling DSwat’s bacon-infused whiskey.  See you Thursday at 8.  Don't be early.

Keep warm boys.
Keep your boys warm.

Friday, November 23, 2012

ThNR Report

Steven, Duke, James, Albert, Shaun, Josh and I cycled in uber gusty conditions.  We went to the village to check out David’s new bike and saw his tire/fork sizing dilemma, tested the ice at the pond, braved the open prairie wind and glided to Grumpy’s.  We were joined at the clubhouse by Tom, Giles and David where minutes include: no cop = no stop, hot-shots keep kids happy in winter, Duke upped the jerk factor and brought some of his home-made corned beef which we enjoyed with rye bread and mustard (yaa), clubhouse management has moved Wing Night to Thursdays (yaa), Giles made friends by ordering wings and beer for everybody (yaa), the Ron Swanson drink, ABES cookbook ideas, Power Tap wheel rentals ($50/week), Crackle Cross, Tom is dealing with the Russian mafia to bring back weekly meat draws – proceeds to benefit the local cycling community, David and Shaun are ready for Glutton Cross, “I can’t tell if you’re really dumb or really smart?”, Field of Dreams/#badidea, Crystal Gravy, zoo sex, and David is making bacon-infused whiskey.  Good times.  Pictures will be probably be posted soon - ish - maybe.  JS

Reminder: If you were going to get a winter jersey, contact Paul DB Krahn and place an order before the end of the weekend.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


Same place and time.

Show up and see who got a new bike this week.

Friday, November 16, 2012

ThNR Report

Duke, Tom, Curt, Albert, Ike, James, Dan, Gavin, David and Paul W joined me for a ride around town.  The conditions were icy and thoughts of slipping and slamming to the ground lurked.  Nobody fell but I still rode with clenched shoulders, preparing for the worst.  I hate that feeling.  It's such a relief to find clean pavement.  We spun about town and slogged around the pond before retiring to the clubhouse.  Steven, DB, and Paul B joined us for drinks and games.  Franklin thought crokinole would be fun to play, mostly because it is fun to play.  Minutes include: wool jerseys make great Christmas gifts, crokinole rules based on church affiliation, smoked tenderloin from the hudderites, pastor Dan cheats, when did Mennonites start using coconut?, Ike has 6 weeks until it's baby time, PB is going to see Lobos, Sadie and Young, Country Cross goodness was appreciated, shopping for bike bits, Gavin wants cribbage night, Franklin destroyed the competition with his delicate hands, winter weekend gravel rides, slaughtering pigs and weddings, everyone hates a winner, and I still have to tell people I’m growing a mustache. Good times.

Does anybody want to go for a road or country ride on Sunday?  JS

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Thursday Night Ride

Same time and place.

Post ride entertainment will include the sexy game of crokinole.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Country Cross 2012 Report

It was a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon - farmy-family-fun, bikes, food, friends - what more could you want?  The Remple farm, mixed with some creativity made for a challenging course but the fresh snow made the course tough to keep upright and moving.  We raced (rode) over quick climbs, around and under trees, scrambling up a ditch, through a drift and down an ice road.  It was a slow but challenging race.  The kids raced a modified course and slugged through 2 tough kid laps.  Franklin decided to forgo the time-trial and let the seeding be self-regulating - a good call, especially since we knew hot-chocolate was waiting inside the wood-stove heated garage.  During the adult race, Gavin was on his way to victory until his crank got all wonky and wobbly.  He ditched his bike on the bell lap for Thomas' 24" kids mountain bike and still managed to take the silver.  Gavin's bad luck and DB's country training allowed Paul to take the win.  Michelle was the fastest woman and looked like she was loving it.  We all warmed up in a deluxe garage with a toasty fire, CHIPS, and a delicious supper.  Awards were burnt for the top 3 fastest men and women and a lit-up prize for the Lanterne Rouge.

Cheers and kudos to Franklin and Bethany for a tough course, a fun race, some mighty fine grub and a memorable country experience.  Well done team - that was awesome.

Thanks to anybody that took pictures with my camera...

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Winter Wonderland at Country X

Bikes + Snow = Fun
Bring it on!

Sunday, November 11:

Pre-riding anytime after 1:00
Kids race (modified course) 2:30
Qualifying 3:00
Adult Race 3:30
Supper 5:00
Bonfire and hot chocolate - all afternoon

Friday, November 9, 2012

ThNR Report

Duke, Steven, Gavin, Steve, Franklin, Shaun, DB, James, Dan and I sped around town.  The wind was gusty which made things fun/hard, especially on a fixie.  The group got separated briefly but regathered in the village where we found a playful DTwat who was flirting/harassing Swiebo.  After our final lap we made our way to the clubhouse where we were joined by Giles.  Minutes include: upside-down stop signs, JB welding my broken mountain bike frame, a tipsy brother-in-law with a broken leg and a double broken jaw, not knowing Peyton Manning V some poet dude, Franklin is going to be a terrible host and not race in his own race, recording The Office V The Voice, free weed, "how do you not get off?", impending snow!, ice fishers are F'd, Steven slap his employees, pedi-staches, Team MEC to present Farm X in December, mtb frame swaps, jackrabbit club, wool jerseys are awesome/expensive, it might be free but how much did it cost, and "I think I shit my pants".  Good times.

Farm X Coordinators
Karaoke replacement

From the desk of County X Coordinator, Franklin...

Directions to our House

From Altona:  

West on 201 to road 7 West (2 miles from west edge of town)
North on road 7W 3 miles to road 10 NW
West 1/2 mile to 7096 Rd 10 NW (yard on south side of road)

From Winnipeg:

South on Highway 75 to highway 14
West on Highway 14 to Road 7 West (3 miles past Rosenfeld)
South on road 7 W 3 miles to road 10 NW
West 1/2 mile to 7096 Rd 10 NW (yard on south side of road)

Most definitely use your mountain bike, not your cross bike.

Well, use a vehicle to get here, but once you are here, use your mountain bike.

Parking will be along the east row of trees inside the yard, watch for signs/paint in the snow?

See you Sunday!

Franklin and Bethany

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Country X 2012

From the desk of Franklin...

Hey all, I rode the course yesterday on my mountain bike and it worked pretty well (10 minute lap).  Here's hoping it snows more before the weekend, just to make it that much more beautiful out here in the country.  The track itself will be relatively snow-free, so don't even worry about that.  The start finish area is somewhat narrow, so in order to make this event flow well, racers will be seeded in the order that they qualify during the qualification session.  Qualifying will be explained at the yard on Sunday.  
Due to the addition of a kids race and qualifying and the early darkness, the schedule of the day now looks like this:

Sunday, November 11:
Pre-riding anytime after 1:00
Kids race (modified course) 2:30
Qualifying 3:00
Adult Race 3:30
Supper 5:00 (Beef, mashed potatoes, veggies and dessert)

Bonfire: all afternoon, hot chocolate, etc.

RSVP Franklin if you want to get in on the good times. 

Thanks Franklin.  We heart you.

Friday, November 2, 2012

H & H Report

The Heaven and Hell Alleycat had racers vying for cash, glory and beer filled Crystal sister glasses.  Speed was key but penalties and bonuses were significant.  Bonuses were awarded for a clean upper lip (Albert shaved off his lifer-stach for a whopping 9 minute deduction), successfully carrying a raw egg for the duration of the race, eating the raw egg at the finish line, and correctly answering a list of questions that had people scurrying in and out of Altona.  The question most penalized was Name:___________,  when the adrenaline is pumping, details can be easily overlooked.  I was also surprised and impressed that most people ate the raw egg.  Clerks at Roadside and Co-ops proved to be helpfully directing racers, cars slowed down when lights shone from the graveyards, and Shaun forgot about the egg in his pocket and it blowed up real good.  Race times started when the first racer (Mike) handed in his manifest, but it was Steven who dug deep into the suitcase of courage to find his way to the winners circle with a total time of minus 20 seconds.  That’s really fast.  Gavin and Giles would have won but didn’t earn the 3 minute shaved lip deduction, and they cheated.

Final standings:
Steven –  -.20
Mike – 5:00
Franklin – 6:45
Albert – 8:22
James – 11:00
Paul – 14:55
Shaun – 17:22
Ike – 19:00 – DFL winner
Tom – DNF
Duke – DNS
Gavin and Giles - .40*

Duke hosted the post-race festivities in his garage and served up a platter of fantastic chicken wings.  We were joined by David and Paul B where meeting minutes include: Shaun reminded the clubhouse proprietors that ABES and Karaoke don't mix - the result is Karaoke will be moved to another night (Tuesday?), DB queried about winter cycling jersey interest and idears, the motor-bicycle is parked until it gets a new VIN # (Franklin 123), Paul Bergman is in Our Town (the diva also has his own trailer!), my sausage party costume was also my supper, Altona should use tractor tires for roundabouts, Merry Christmas Dad - F-off, Stevens Saab stories, Tom is making things happen for the ABES/Athena/Minor Soccer meat draw at Grumpy’s, DB’s pink panther costume at Costume  Cross was interesting but would have been better if he had worn the suit backwards, Paul B doesn’t want to peak too soon (or at all), I love you/your beer, 4th place = Canadian gold, Michael Jordan fell of a boat, alpha-Wang, HMS bounty sinks, South Village Poker Classic at Swaters – December 1, and Mike proved his clydesdalemanship by breaking his chair to everybody’s delight.  Good times.  JS

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Heaven & Hell Alleycat

Movember 1, 8:00

$5 and a pen will get you started.  Lights would be a great idea.

A 3 minute time deduction if you have a shaved upper lip.

A 9 minute time deduction if you have a shaved upper lip and your name is Albert, James or PW.

BYOB to ABES headquarters and I’ll tote it to your final resting place.

Our father,
who rides in heaven,
hollow be thy frame.
Thy links' cogs run. 
Thy wheel be done on earth,
as it is in bicycle heaven.
Give us this day our steely thread. 
And forgive us our dents, 
as we forgive our denters. 
So why not lead us into temptation, 
as long as you're delivering us from evil:
for thine is the kingdom,
and the pedal power, 
and the chrome-plated glory, forever.