Monday, February 28, 2011

Designated Jerk

Yes.  This is what I've become.  I'm stooping to the lowest levels to chide a worthy rival.  Apparently its in my nature.  Who knew.

A brief meeting with an anonymous local cycling enthusiast left me with a designated task:  be a jerk.  Shame Dr. Huebner into appearing at this weekend's Altona Winter Bike Festival.  Degrade and defame his beloved Blue Devils in an attempt to goad him into appearing this weekend.  I was told its who I am, a designated jerk.

At this point I had to look deeper into my own being.  Is this truly who I am?  Someone who plays upon others emotions in attempts to sway their thoughts more in line with my own?  Is this psychological warfare deeply seeded in my psyche?  Am I a designated jerk?

I decided to take a stand.  Putting aside the wishes of others I've decided not to be that jerk.  I won't attempt to humiliate Dr. Huebner into appearing at our event.  Even if he's been here every time so far (I think).  Nor will I remind him of his Blue Devils shameful track record at the AWBF's of the past.  Let bygones be bygones.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

The ABES Winter Bike Festival

The AWBF is this Saturday.  The ride and games will be fun but it will the roller races that will be the highlight of the fest.  Invite your friends and family and we'll put them on a bike and show them a good time.  The races will include men and women sprints and team relay events.  It is a first-timer friendly event so COME ON DOWN. 

Mathew "cheaters never prosper" Kehler put together this poster to inform and confuse the masses.  The cheques in the mail Mathew.  

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Thursday Night Ride Report

James, W (Pole Vaulter), Chaz, Albert, Shaun, Ben (remember Ben?) and I were NOT pansies.  We enjoyed our ride around town that included knockdowns at the original cage match site, the elmwood school bike park, surviving a slog over a field on a snowmobile trail, and finally back to the clubhouse where we were joined by Dan, the Duke and some delicious popcorn.  Clubhouse minutes included: Sloth Cross reports (A+), ice daming (F!), shoveling/tunneling snowdrifts, drinkable/internal frostbite, Dan is a cheater and a winner, Co-op beer, slam dunk contest creativity and props, the joy of being a Kuhl or a Funk and the strength required to be a Dyck, a secret bike society meeting may take place next week Thursday at BAC, ABES jerseys, wooden rims, rat bikes, floor hockey prayer club, the ABES V 55+ volleyball challenge, stop signs as yields, and the ABES Winter Bike Festival.  Good times. 

Are you happy now David?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Slothy Report

Sloth Cross had all the right ingredients for a good time and it always bakes up deliciously.  Albert took the picks and a Tom K made a video.  

Full reports can be found elsewhere.  

Favorite SC TWHS quote: Open the Dirty Harry Box

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Thursday Night Ride Report

The ThNR report is long overdue.  I’ve been busy with family and friends this holiday commemorating the unjust killing of Louise Riel.  Yaaa!?  It’s sort of like Good Friday but without the chocolate.  As for our ride…The weather kept the “timid” ABES at home.  Hard-core riders Tom, Chaz, Albert and I enjoyed a fine ride.  The winds and blowing snow shut down most of the surrounding highways, but riding in Altona was good and surprisingly warm.  Steve made it to the clubhouse as did Thomas who had to drive 60km/h from Gretna to enjoy the jocularity.  The tunes were surprisingly good (Weezer, Zeppelin, the Hip) and the volume at peaceful levels.  Clubhouse Minutes included: the GI Joe jerkey maker (the manly equivelant of the easy bake oven), Bunge bowling, shootin shit, vintage snowmobiles, a John Wall died (we could not figure out which John Wall it was), the Maroons win lazily, Don Williams returns to the Peg, “score” the hockey musical, chubby chasers and track suits, Pukatawagan song (so bad its good – ala William Hungs “she bangs”), Brocket 99 – rockin the res, 10 year old Lady Gaga from Winnipeg, Albert drank 3 beers!, and Tom provided the table with the best beef jerkey I’ve ever had.  Good times. 

Tour de Rhineland wins the peoples choice as favorite alleycat race of the year.  It was a landslide victory - congratulations Dan!  David has suggested that the win was the result of rigged voting, but that’s probably the sour grapes talking.  We'll need to finalize the honors and responsibilities that come with winning the award shortly.

If you haven't seen this, check it out...

View the aftermath here...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Thursday Night Ride

The weather was nice this week.  It will not be so pleasant for the ThNR.  Since Albert is curling tonight I suggest we ride to the ACC to get him and warm-up.  Our ride may continue from there.  See you at ABES headquarters at 9. 
If anybody cares, Lance Armstrong has retired – again.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The ABES Winter Bike Festival - Saturday, March 5, is falling into place very nicely.  Erick Oland, the roller racing czar, will bring his gear to Rocktona.  When Erick wrote me he said, ”Of all the events that I brought my roller set out to last year, yours’ was the most fun, had the best participation, and the best cheering crowd! I love it.
Moreover, Back Alley Cycle, the little bike shop with a big heart, has agreed to sponsor the AWBF to ensure that roller racing will return to our shindig .  Thanks boys, we wouldn’t be the same without you.
This year the AWBF will take a page from the St. Patricks Day Roller Racing format and offer individual  sprints and a team relay race that will involve drinking a bubbly drink.  So much fun!  JS 

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Manitoba's First Bicycle Club

For those of you who missed this little historical gem on Thursday night (loud bar, big table) I'll copy and paste my email from our brother in absentia, Glenn Bergen.  I believe Shaun's upstanding conduct in the Alleycat voting affair proves that he has indded been held to a stronger moral conviction by our Club.  Please read on...

Hey there -- Thought this might be of interest. Just found this detail
in an 1883 Free Press:

Manitoba's first bicycle club, the Winnipeg Bicycle Club, was organized
at a meeting of bicyclists at the Royal Exchange Hotel on May 2, 1883.

 From the Manitoba Free Press, March 19, 1883:
Suggestion to organize a local club.
It is proposed that a bicycle club be started in Winnipeg for the
purpose of promoting the interests of bicycling. It has been suggested,
now that the winter is drawing to a close, that a meeting be called so
as to get together all interested parties. A by-law was passed last year
to the effect that bicycles were not to be ridden on in the city limits.
Bicycling is pursued in nearly all the leading cities of the world.
Doctors and clergymen use them, and they are seen daily gliding along
streets where the throng on thoroughfares is something [...], and the
query is, why does the city of Winnipeg pass such a by-law? It is
contended that the bicycle has as much right to the road as any vehicle.
They can restrict wheeling on the sidewalk, but cannot touch the rider
so long as he keeps the road.

The club
The club is the natural outgrowth of friendly [...] on the road. It
becomes a [...] for social meetings, where many, otherwise friendless,
find society and a refuge from ennui and loneliness, and from temptation
to seek objectionable distractions. Clubs generally admit none to
membership but men of good character. They urge upon their members
descreet conduct when on the road, and thorough courtesy to all
pedestrians, riders and drivers. Clubs are not a mere social union. They
exercise restraint upon the individual in many ways, teaching him
self-control and submission to discipline. He must yield to the club
laws and regulations, and to the votes of a majority. The example of
fellow members makes him neat in dress. The discussion of machines, of
their good points and defects, makes him intelligent on this subject,
and the contact with others stimulates him to efforts to excell in
riding. There is no question as to the admirable influence of the club
in this respect, and club members are, in consequence, generally found
to be better riders than the unattached. The effects of a vigorous mass
are always stimulating to the individual.


Glenn Bergen, Editor
University of Manitoba Press
Ph. (204) 474-7338

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Thursday Night Ride Report

A good sized crowd, many wearing the unofficial ABES jacket (FXR) were out for a cold night ride.  James, Chaz, Dan, Albert, Tom, David, W, Shaun, Duke and I did a lap around town.  There were some icy roads that needed extra caution but it was the MEC parking lot that looked as if it had been zambonied.  Chaz, David and I all had the misfortune of falling at some point in the ride – Chaz got the worst of it as his crash included high speed and cement - he bounced back up like a trooper.  We concluded the night at the clubhouse where we were eventually joined by Franklin and Douche Bag.  DB’s rare appearance was the result of being publicly shamed  for being…well, a douche bag.  David took a collection so that the ABES could provide the Town of Altona public works crew with donuts for doing such a fine job of keeping our streets and pathways clear.  When David isn’t being surly, he can really be thoughtful.  Other minutes included: fondus, cowboys V aliens, gas powered washer attatchments (meat grinder, butter churn, etc), long hair and grad pictures, the Turtle Creek trails, Duke, V MP Candace Hoeppners assistant, marriage/sex/living together pros/cons, psycho roommate Dwight D, the superbowl/commercials, and the possibile accessories using buffalo hides.  Good times. 
Sheet of ice
Beard of ice
Myron about to welcome Franklin to ABES

The ABES Winter Bike Festival was also discussed.  It will take place Saturday, March 5 at The Exchange.  The gist of the afternoon will include: a group ride/knockdowns/slow races, chips, roller racing (sprints and team relay), chips, home-made/baked prizes, rink-dog potluck, followed by the Blue Devils V Tar Heels basketball game on the big screen, and chips.  Mark your calendars, invite your kith and kin and BYOB.  Costs and schedule to be announced.  JS

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Thursday Night Ride

Come out for a ride, drinks and giggles (manly guffaws).  We need to finalize the ABES Winter Bike Festival details.  See ya'll at 9 bells.  JS

Friday, February 4, 2011

Thursday Night Ride Report

A lot of ABES were out last night – Tom, Duke, Curt, Paul, Dubya, Steve, Shaun, Albert, David and myself.  Most rode, some only arrived at the clubhouse and one ran (punch in the gut).  Those that rode enjoyed the mild temps and the usual haunts.  The clubhouse is where we say the usaully mild mannered Myron experience techno rage – he was eventually  put in a time-out in the smoke room.  Clubhouse minutes include: Albert submitted his annual ride total – 3738.82 kilometers – that’s about 100 klicks per bike, Paul has started quilting a wiener cozie (peter heater) that he plans to put in his hope chest, W is still fine tuning his three speed internal hub – what he really needs is a single speed (are you hearing this Donna?), James reported that DB hogged 5 rocks at his last curing game (did he buy any rounds?  WWDBD?), Hitler history, the halleluia chorus concert, Poker history and Stuey Ungar, Kevin Martin is the biggest Ahole in curling, Sloth Cross, Kathy O.C.  has man hands (and huge pores), Joni Mitchel hates Bob Dylan for being a phoney, Rick Allen keeps on drumming, amazing wrigjlas, Cheryl “my shit don’t stink” Koop, Ninja training circa 1983, bike sprocket throwing stars, halbstadt bonspiel, the Scotties – Jame s and I provided the best security ever, David provided adequate light housekeeping duties at 6:30 am.  Good times.  JS

W's newest set-up



Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Let's Ride Bike

Halleluia, January is over!  February is starting off with some reprieve in the weather for the first Thursday night ride.  I’ll take it, even if it will be short lived.  February also marks one of the best throw-down bike events in the 204 – Sloth Cross.  Keep the Saturday/Sunday of the Louis Riel weekend free because you should be in River City to ride and/or sloth for 24 hours of good times.  The ride takes us on trails, single track, the river and through the forks.  The sloth takes us to 24 hours of Clint Eastwood with a manditory Big Lebowski lap at midnight (‘ish).  There is also a Sal’s breakfast lap the next morning.
Locally in the 324, we will both ride and be slothful at the ThNR.  Meet at my place at 9:00.
FGBC Secretary/videographer/yarba enthusiast Darryl NB has documented every 24 hour winter ride.  Take a peek at what all the fuss is about...