Friday, September 30, 2011

ThNR Report

Gavin, Steve, James, Giles, Steven, David, Shaun, Chaz, and I were ready to ride and race.  David was in one of his moods so there was no racing.  That’s too bad, it was a good month of races.  We toured the town, Giles had bike issues, we rode the Southern Cross course in the dark, and found our way to the clubhouse where were were joined by Duke.  The minutes included: roller racing at Grumpy’s, the Bombers are hurting, Dark Cross stories were revisited, Go Jets Go, white-washing the Van Gogh for movie night, fancy gadgets = look at my shit, Shaun is keeping stats and decreasing his cigarette totals while his bacon consumption remains steady, the joy of cyclocross, short court action, chickens in the basement, oil fires at the dump, rugby hurts, great woman and Ahole husbands, pool parties and white bikinis circa 1985, a lawnmower as a mothers day gift, Rosenort Credit Union in Altona, Menno Cross attendees include: James/Sandra, Steven/kids/Sandra?, Gavin/Nelson, Johnny/Cheryl/Mia/Kate, Albert, Douce Bag/Marguerite?, Cross labs in Altona – Wednesdays at the park – 6:30 – 7:30 – bring the family/spread the word, and the Altona Farm Service donated a sweet Brookes saddle that we will raffle off at Southern Cross.  Good times.  JS

No pictures this week but Thomas did submit this...
Good times keep on rolling in Rocktona - thanks Thomas

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Thursday at 8 PM we'll wrap up the Grand Prix.  It was brought to my attention that some ABES are a little tired of racing.  Noted.  So Thursday we;ll ride around a bit and cap off the racing with some decidedly non-racy races.  Knockdown and slow race.  And then a little more cruisi8ng.  Back to normal.  Only one fixies!

So come on out for some fun while we still have this gorgeous weather to ride in!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Citius, Altius, Fortius Report

David came up with a trilogy of bike skill races with the Olympic theme Higher, Stronger, Faster to add to the September Grand Prix.  The first time trial started at the West side of the hill.  Riders went up and down the hill, over the bridge, then up the hill and down to the finish.  The recent rain left the trail slightly sticky and a metal pole sent Gavin flying over his bars in the dark. 

Johnny – 1:19.3
Charles – 1:25.5
Steve – 1:26.0
Gavin – 1:26.6
Craig – 1:30.2
Albert – 1:41.1
James – 1:41.9
David – 1:49.3
Shaun – 1:45.6
Tom – 1:53.1
Paul – 2:20.5

The strongman competition saw riders drag a cross country ski groomer weighted down with cinder blocks a designated distance.  After each round another brick was added.  This event saw the powerful clydesdales excell.  Tom took the win beating Steve by a foot.  Shaun, James and Giles made three successful pulls to round out the best of the best.  Gavin made round one look easy but decided to take my bad advice and attempted to catwalk over the finish line – he ended up on his back and about 2 feet short.  Oops.  Steve had the best successful wild-ride as he needed to double back and under the groomer before he finally crossed the line.  Nicely done.

The parking lot time trial sprints saw Gavin and Craig tie for first.  They needed a second run to determine the winner; Gavin squeeked out the win to take the gold.  Charles dropped a chain but showed true grit by running the final stretch, much to the delight of the crowd.

Gavin – 31.1 – 31.4
Craig – 31.1 – 31.5
Johnny – 32.00
Steve – 32.6
Giles - 32.6
Tom – 33.6
David – 34.1
Albert – 34.2
Shaun – 34.4
James – 35.2
Charles – 45.4

When the final results were tabulated, it was Steve that took the title.  It’s about time - well done Steve!  It must have been his bike choice – mountain bike with a skinny tire in the front and a fatty in the back.  Interesting.  Bruiser is more saavy than we realize.  Giles would have finished higher if he had particiapted in the hill climb (punctuality counts) and Gavin had too much mustard on his hot-dog to find the podium. 

Stage 4 results:
Steve – 60 points
Johnny – 59
Craig – 52
Gavin – 49
Tom – 45
Giles – 43
Charles – 41
James – 38
Albert – 38
Shaun – 36
David – 25
Paul - 16

We were joined at the clubhouse by Duke and Paul B.  The tunes were dialed in to perfection, beef jerky was supplied by Charles and Giles, free popcorn was supplied as usual and the minutes included: Dark Cross stories, the Southern Cross Clydesdales – it was agreed that a female clydesdale class might be a bad idea, deer jerkey season, Turkish delight massage, DVBS/eating glue for Jesus, “Balanced” cigarettes, soy milk steamer with cinnammon sprinkles = super gay, Craigs sweet new cross bike and another bike club blog – MOFOs  (great name).  He said ABES has inspired a handful of fat bikers to start a blog.  I’m not sure if it was because we ride bike and have fun or if its for heavier reasons.  Don’t ask, don’t tell works for me in this case.  Next week will be the Grand Prix Finale.  David has some fun races planned - Lower, Weaker, Slower – or something like that.  Good times.  JS

Monday, September 19, 2011

Faster, Higher, Stronger?

Citius, Altius, Fortius

For those of you who don't speak Latin (i.e. anyone other than the Slim Slammer Jimmy Hamm) this translates to Faster, Higher, Stronger and its the name of stage 4 in the ABES Grand Prix. It also happens to be the slogan of a little known event called THE OLYMPICS. Which is fitting since winning this stage will take a near Herculean effort. The tests you ask? Well, in order to not have an unfair advantage I'll say this: expect to sprint (faster), expect to climb (higher), and expect to pull (stronger). So choose your steed and hoof said steed appropriately. One might not be good for the next. And by the way, only one ride per rider. No changing of steeds or hooves. That said, scroll down and check out the Darkcross pics and scan the interwebs for any other tasty tidbits. It was a gooder.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dark Cross Report

- Sweet Cheryl Koop was the second woman in her race
- Fellow ABES racing: David, Steven, Steve, Bruce, DB, Albert, Brian (?), Cheryl, Mia, other Altonians: Franklin and Bethany and past Altonan - Sierra. Ben - where were you? - Music, both live and DJ'd kept the vibe alive
- The run-up through the grandstand with the flashbulbs, cowbells and screaming fans was the best!
- Drinking Pilsner and "encouraging" racers to try their best
- Racing in a field of 68 riders under the bright lights, tiki-torches, and Christmas lights at a race track!

Thanks to the organizers who dreamed big and made it happen, the volunteers who did so much, and all the racers and fans for cheering everybody on. It all added up to an incredible night.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Parks and Rec-Tacular Alleycat Report

David likes organizing good alleycats and this one featured a twist. A set of questions racers discovered during the race had us scrambling through the park to find more answers. It was the race within the race, unless you’re the Duker and you can’t find the questions. Oh well, he still managed a top 10 finish. Chris had his headlamp fall apart on him and left him scrambling hopelessly in the dark which added up to 55 minutes in penalties, Steve was the only racer to run a penalty free race (even though he fell twice) and Gavins honosty dropped him from 2nd to 3rd. One mystery park clue/red herring later and we were all back at the clubhouse – eventually; we were rounding up a search party, but Giles finally returned. The 10 minute penalty per mistake, and 5 minute penalty on the race within the race made reading comprehension skills an asset, something that is not usually my forte. It must have been the ALL CAPS directions that gave me my focus to hold on for the win. Final results: 1 - Johnny – 41:50 + 5 = 46:50 2 – Steve – 50:00 + 0 = 50:00 3 - Gavin – 45:22 + 10 = 55:22 4 – Shaun – 53:24 + 20 + 1:13:24 5 – Mike – 55:51 + 30 = 1:25:51 6 – Albert – 57:03 + 30 = 1:27:03 7 – Tom – 1:05:03 +25 = 1:30:03 8 – Giles – 1:24:55 + 15 = 1:39:55 9 – Chris – 50:51 + 55 = 1:45:51 10 – Myron – DNFind DB, Franklin, Curt and James joined us at the clubhouse where the minutes included: stop sign laws etc., being cheap vs visionary, my new bike light, complaining (DB) vs noting, the Shaun-Dyck wrap vs the Shaun Dyck-wrap, Jets tickets, wheelchair backflips, Craig Doell gained 20 pounds in 2 days, the hour of power – 1 oz of beer every minute, Steve is the leading contender for ABE of the year, David has a new cross bike, Athena Bike Club runs stop-signs, and the problem of crooked nuts. Good times. Party people - see you at Dark Cross this Saturday. Sorry about the messed up layout - I'm having computer (read: personal) issues. JS

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

ABES Grand Prix rcae #3: The Parks and Rec-Tacular Alleycat

This Thursday starting at 8 PM sharp you're all invited to the third leg of the ABES Grand Prix. Just a few notes...bring a pen and a light. You'll need them. Unless you have an amazing memory and the night vision of a puma. That would be so cool. I hope one of us does. See you all Thursday night at Johnny's.

Monday, September 12, 2011

New Bike New Club

Cheryl is pumped that she got a cross bike.
She is also pumped that she can ride it in Altona's newest bike club. I hope this town is big enough for two bike gangs. It could get ugly. I'm in no shape to rumble and if we have a dance-off, we're screwed. JS

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Mudfest Cross Report

The first cross race of the season was great.  OCC does a lot for the MCA and sharing their love with the St. Adolphe Mudfest was the perfect fit.  The conditions were hot and dry.  I felt like I was making glue in my mouth during the race.  The course had soft dirt sections, with little time to rest and featured a crowd pleasing mud pit option.  It was soon apparent that the fastest way to go was through the mud - it was also the perfect opportunity to baptize my new shoes.  I was joined at the race by fellow ABE'ers DB and Albert as well as family racers Cheryl and Mia.  DB was slowly gaining on me and I was definitely running scared but at some point in the final lap his front tire washed out and sent him flying.  Cheryl finished 2nd woman in C (now called cat 4/5 (category 4 and 5) and is definitely looking forward to her new cross bike for Dark Cross next week.  Mia had fun racing, cheering and playing with her friends in the sand and mud. Highlights included: two EPIC mud pit crashes, cheering/jeering the A racers, finishing the race.  Lowlight for Jonny G - noticing he had a flat tire moments before the start of the race.  Tough luck brother.  Dark cross will treat you better.

I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE everybody to race or at least watch Dark Cross next week.  It could be the best MCA race Manitoba has ever put on.  Seriously.   JS

Friday, September 9, 2011

Thursday Night Report

The ABES Grand Prix continued with the Altona Time Trials last night.  Riders departed at 2 minute intervals and raced 2 laps around town.  After 20 km’s, only 10 seconds seperated 3rd from 5th, Evan and Bruce found alternative routes that may have helped one but did not help the other, and the wild card factors on race times included inattentive dog walkers, cyclists and motorists and coming to complete stops at every stop sign (as is the law).  After tabulating the results and retabulating the results and changing them again thanks to the honosty of Mike, the results were:
1st - Johnny – 32:45
2nd - Mike – 33:55
3rd - Evan – 35:07
4th - Steve – 35:11
5th - Shaun – 35:17
6th - Bruce – 36:11
7th - Duke – 37:15
8th - David – “38:10”
9th - Brian – 38:53
10th - Tom – 40:45
11th - Paul W – 41:56
12th - James – 42:00
Clubhouse minutes included: the incestuous swapping of bikes this week - James bought Davids old road bike, I bought Curts old mountain bike, and Cheryl bought Bruces old cross bike, I bought new, WHITE bike shoes, David won the Altona employee Texas scramble while well scrambled himself, Wangotang throws out the first pitch at a Blue Jays game, oops babies/”blessings”, Pastor Dan came by and showed off his broken finger, Southern Cross will include a Clydesdale division – of course, DB crashed our party, Dark Cross in the Free Press, baby making music, speed/cadence/heart rate monitors, and the new Altona bike club for women – the names that they have propossed include Bicycle Enthusiasts Riding Towards Health in Altona – aka BERTHA, and the ABES Ladies Auxiliary.  Good times.  JS

Dan does his best Johnny Cash impression

Shaun and Brain
My new cycling spats

Next week DSwat presents The Parks and Rec-Tacular Alleycat.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

These Guys Love It

Check out this wicked downhill run.  The announcers are LOVING it.  Don't stop listening until their last (and funniest) comment.

See you tonight for the time trial.  JS

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Cindy Lauper Was Right

Sandra Doell wants to sample some of the bike riding fun that she hears about and sends out this invitation...

Hi ladies,

I just wanted to let you know that a few good women from Altona & Area are planning to get together this Sunday, Sept. 11th to ride their bikes. If you want to get a bit of exercise with some like-minded ladies, please come and join us--we'll meet at my house (210 Fourteenth Ave. NW) and go from there. The idea is to do a few laps around town.

If you're like me and you haven't done a lot of cycling this year, don't worry...there will be riders of all ages and fitness levels so you won't be alone.  Please arrive by 7 p.m. as we want to get our ride in before sundown. Call me if you have any questions, and feel free to invite any other women you know who may be interested-- this autumn is supposed to be beautiful, so it would be nice if we could make this a regular ride.

Some of us would like to start training for a bike event coming to Altona on October 16th--the annual Southern Cross race--more details may be available on Sunday from Cheryl.

Hope to see you on Sunday!


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

ABES Grand Prix: Altona Time Trial - Race #2

Thursday will be the second race in the ABES Grand Prix.  The course is basically two laps around Altona starting at Johnny's and ending at Grumpy's.  Your time is complete when you touch the drink machine at the door!

Racing will start at 8PM at Johnny's.  Racers will leave at intervals (to be determined by consensus).  Johnny will sort out the timing.  He's got oodles of stopwatches.

Some of us, unfortunately, cannot make the race but still want to participate.  Therefore I'm posting the route map ahead of time to afford riders the possibility of running the race themselves and timing themselves. Yes, this is the lesser of the racing options.  And yes, some people seem to object highly to this possibility.  Fortunately this race makes it possible to have this self-administered version possible.  Unlike the alleycat or the last man out.  So I for one will have to take this route and offer the opportunity to anyone else whose schedule conflicts yet still wants to participate in the ABES Grand Prix.  We're all about riding and having fun, are we not?

So the basic race course is this...

1.  start at Johnny's place
Head South on 2nd St. SE to 4th Ave. SE
Turn right onto 4th Ave SE and go to Railway
Turn left onto Railway and go South to the Elmcrest bike path
Take the bike path to Elmcrest and head East to 6th St. SE
Turn left and go North on 6th St, all the way north to Industrial Drive
Turn left and then right onto Industrial Drive and go North to 14th Ave NE
Turn left onto 14th Ave. and go West to Bunge Road (2nd St. NW?)
Turn left onto Bunge Road and go South to 10th Ave. NW
Turn right onto 10th Ave. NW and go West to the mile road (6th St. NW?)
Turn left onto the mile road and go South to the 201
Turn left onto the 201 and go East to 4th St. SW
Turn right onto 4th St. SW and go South to the end (Martin Crescent)
Take Martin Crescent (past Charles' place) and then turn left
Turn right at Jake and Anne Ens' place to head to 2nd St. SW
Turn right on 2nd St. SW and take the little jog over the railway tracks which brings you back to Railway.

After one lap of this route repeat it.  The second time you get back to Railway turn left and head North (2) up Railway all the way to Centre Ave. and then take a right and head to the bar (3).  I think the map explains it better than I can

I hope everyone can make it out to the race Thursday and we'll hopefully see you afterwards!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Labour Day MTB ride

Johnny S. and I are heading out to the Lake trails at Minnewasta in Morden today,  Kinda last minute.  Cheryl and Cindy are doing a road ride from Altona to Colert Beach leaving at 1 PM and we'll be loading up the kids and meeting them there.  Probably start riding the trails around 3-3:30ish?  Come on by if you're interested.  I'll have my cel. too in case you need to get ahold of us.  (204) 304-1136


Friday, September 2, 2011

ABES Grand Prix Stage One - Oval Track Time Trials

What a night for racing! The rain came through early and though the track was a little damp 16 ABES showed up for Stage One of the September Grand Prix. The racing started out with a Last Man out Race - the last person to cross the finish line in each individual lap was dropped. Johnny came through with a victory over super-stud Jeff Krahn. Results as follows:

Jeff K.
Steve B.
Brian (sp?)
Steven W.

It was a hard fought race with each lap progressively quickening. A little bit of moisture on the North turns may have played a factor and there were definitely some tire-touches/skids happening. Great race!

The second leg of Stage One involved the Individual Time Trial. Four laps of the W.C. Miller 400M track. Gavin and Curt showed up a bit late and only raced in the ITT. Bikes were flying and the ABES put on what could only have been our fastest times of the season. Results as follows:

Gavin 2:34.22
Jeff K. 2:35.81
Evan 2:36.03
Johnny 2:36.50
Steve B. 2:41.32
Steve W. 2:43.87
Shaun 2:46.43
Chris 2:46.56
Thomas 2:49.82
Albert 2:50.22
Curt 2:53.06
Brian 2:54.84
Jared 2:56.07
David 3:05.63
Tom 3:08.28
James 3:12.22

Post race concluded at Grumpy's (as per usual) and there was a lot of chatter going on.  Some of the topics involved included:  Dark Cross - can any race be more awesome?, 29er's - Albert has fallen in love,  the new condom machine at Grumpy's - my fingers still smell like vanilla!, Head for the Hills 2011 - Bunge is the shit as far as bike sponsored places to work, oval track racing - ABES injuries/defaults would multiply exponentially, MCI res. #'s - Thomas is coasting this year, DB - what a douche, PB - too good to bike therefore runs late at night when no one can ogle his scrawny legs, the Duker - Hecla Lovefest before school starts? (halftime)

A great night of racing and even more great nights to come!  Next Thursday will be the Town of Altona Time Trials.  Two solid laps of the Town.  Brings your endurance legs boys!

The vanilla condom put to good use

Chris busting it loose

The Last Man Out race

Tom - man that guy is fast!

James - look at how blurry it is!  He must be super-fast!

DSwat - average at best

Shaun - hair flowin' and kickin' ass!

Evan - I hate to say it but this guy will come back and haunt us in the overall

Albert - ready to kick it into high gear

Steve B. - races almost as fast as he drinks beer

Johnny - 2nd place was good, expecting more in the overall

Curt - shows up late and stomps it hard